I know how destabilizing it is when you and your partner aren’t getting along. You desperately want your partner to be in a safe place but when you are fighting, nothing feels quite right. If you live together, even your home is a stressful place. Couples counseling and marriage therapy in Houston can help you find the tools you need to work through your conflicts.
For most couples, they will see improvement in communication, closeness, and in conflict resolution. However, the reality is that couples counseling doesn't always succeed, leaving couples wondering why their efforts fell short. We'll delve into common reasons why couples counseling may fail and offer insights into how couples can increase their chances of success.
Reasons Couples Counseling in Houston Fails
Many couples come in and want their therapist to fix their partner. It can be tough to see our blind spots and the problems we are bringing into the relationship. Your partner’s flaws, on the other hand, are crystal clear. But the truth is, that both you and your partner are bringing things into the relationship that are hurtful. Couples counseling and marriage therapy can help you both learn to work through these things.
Let’s address the main reasons that couples counseling is not successful. If you don’t deal with these issues, even the most expert couples counselors can’t give you the results you want. Be honest with yourself - do any of these issues apply to you?
Lack of Commitment:
One of the primary reasons couples counseling may falter is a lack of commitment from one or both partners. Successful therapy requires active participation, openness to change, and a commitment to the process. When individuals are unwilling to invest the necessary time and effort, the therapeutic journey can become hindered.
I usually ask couples to commit to doing 12 sessions of couples counseling so that they can learn all of the skills I want to teach them before deciding if they want to stay together or end the relationship. This can be hard when you are struggling, but it’s important for both individuals to feel counseling is a safe place to explore your problems. If either member of the couple keeps threatening to leave the relationship, the lack of commitment will be destabilizing to the process of repair.
Ineffective Communication:
Communication breakdowns are often at the core of relationship issues, and if this challenge persists during counseling, progress can be stunted. Couples may struggle to express themselves honestly, hindering the therapist's ability to understand and address the underlying issues.
Good communication in couples is pretty rare. You are not as good at communicating as you think. And trust me, you are not alone. I teach couples how to communicate well and I still struggle in my marriage with communication. It’s hard. Your couples therapist will be your coach in the process of learning a new way of speaking and resolving conflict. It’s worth the effort.
Unresolved Individual Issues:
Couples counseling is designed to address relational dynamics, but sometimes individual issues can impede progress. Personal struggles such as unresolved trauma, mental health issues, or unmanaged stress can seep into the relationship, making it challenging to achieve meaningful results in couples therapy.
It may be worthwhile for you to address these issues in individual counseling so that they don’t get in the way of the couples counseling sessions. I have found that anyone who has trauma in their past will get a lot out of EMDR therapy to get some distance from their past trauma so it doesn’t get triggered with their partners.
Resistance to Change:
Successful couples counseling often necessitates change and adaptation. If one or both partners resist making necessary adjustments, the therapeutic process may hit a roadblock. Resistance can stem from fear, ingrained habits, or a reluctance to confront uncomfortable truths.
High-Conflict Situations:
In cases of severe relationship distress or persistent high-conflict situations, Texas couples counseling may face limitations. The intensity of ongoing conflicts can overshadow the therapeutic process, making it difficult for couples to engage constructively. You may benefit from weekly couples sessions to get through the high-conflict issues.
Mismatched Therapeutic Approach:
The effectiveness of couples counseling can be influenced by the compatibility between the therapeutic approach and the needs of the couple. If the therapist practices a method of therapy that doesn’t feel well suited to you as a couple, you may feel resistant or frustrated with the progress.
I recommend you be honest with the therapist if you don’t feel comfortable with how they are doing therapy or if you don’t see results. Most therapists have a lot of different tools in their therapeutic toolbox and can often pivot to another technique or can at least tell you the reasoning behind why they are doing what they are doing.
Tips for making marriage counseling & couples therapy work for you
Commitment to the Process:
The success of couples counseling often hinges on the commitment of both partners. Actively participating in sessions, completing recommended exercises outside of therapy, and maintaining an open mindset can go a long way. It’s not easy to stay committed when you are frustrated, angry, and hopeless after fighting. However, if you don’t stay committed, you have already failed before you even get started.
Effective Communication:
Couples should prioritize honest and open communication both within and outside of therapy sessions. Being transparent about thoughts, feelings, and expectations allows the therapist to gain a deeper understanding, leading to more targeted interventions. If you lie to yourself, your partner, or your therapist, you won’t get to work on the issues that need resolution. It’s scary, to be honest and vulnerable, but it’s the only way to make things better.
Individual Self-Reflection:
Before entering couples counseling, you should engage in self-reflection to identify and address any personal issues that may impact the relationship. Taking responsibility for individual well-being will help you have a healthier foundation for the couple as a whole. Continuing to work on yourself throughout your life will help you be happier regardless of what happens in your relationship.
Willingness to Change:
Couples must embrace the idea of change and be willing to adapt. This may involve altering communication styles, letting go of harmful habits, or exploring new perspectives. A shared commitment to growth is necessary. If you are struggling with change, this blog post has “10 Tips for Dealing with Change.”
Conflict Resolution Strategies:
You can benefit from learning and implementing effective conflict-resolution strategies. Every couple fights. Loving couples learn to fight fair and healthily (yes, that is a thing). Therapists can guide couples in developing healthier ways to navigate disagreements, fostering a more constructive and supportive dynamic. You can find a win-win situation. Always think about conflict as problem-solving instead of me vs them.
Therapist Compatibility:
Choosing the right couples therapist is critical. Couples should seek a therapist whose approach aligns with their needs and preferences. A collaborative and trusting relationship with the therapist enhances the overall effectiveness of couples counseling. Wilson Counseling offers a free 15-minute phone session with their couples therapist so that you can talk to them and make sure the therapist is a good fit for you and your partner.
Continued Maintenance:
Even after completing formal couples counseling, ongoing efforts are crucial for maintaining positive relationship dynamics. Regular check-ins, open communication, and a commitment to personal and relational growth contribute to lasting success.
I often recommend that couples do a monthly or quarterly check-in with their therapist even after regular sessions have ended. It’s kind of like a tune-up for your car. Regular maintenance makes sure everything is continuing to work as it should. Sometimes couples find they default back to old habits and continuing to work with a therapist on occasion can keep you committed to your new healthier way of relating. It’s a small amount of work for a big payoff.
Doing couples therapy and marriage counseling in Houston isn’t a guarantee that you will get a happily ever after. But if you work through the issues that often cause problems for couples in counseling, your chances of success are much higher. Couples who come in with a willingness to work on their issues and commit to the process have high success rates.
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OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to Couples Counseling & Marriage Counseling, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Anxiety Treatment, Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Trauma Therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling, Parenting Counseling,, Family Therapy, and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
If you are ready to feel closer to your partner, contact Wilson Counseling today.