It can be difficult to figure out your sexual orientation
In a world where heterosexual male/female relationships are the norm, it can be very difficult to figure out your sexual orientation. Add in factors like family expectations, values you’ve had since you can remember, and religious/societal views it can be enough to make your head spin! In order to decide your sexual orientation first, it may be helpful for us to define some terms that you may not have heard before. Most of us know that the acronym LGBTQ+ stands for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender, and Questioning/Queer. but what do all those letters that come after mean anyway? The plus is an ever-growing list of other orientations to fit everyone’s uniqueness!
Sexual Orientation Terms
Intersex refers to people who were born with genitalia that were somewhat difficult for doctors to tell which sex to assign them at birth
Asexuality: this is a spectrum of people who tend not to experience sexual attraction to anyone or only experience sexual attraction to certain types of people or in specific circumstances.
Pansexuality: these people experience sexual attraction to people of all genders and do not consider someone’s gender assigned at birth
Demisexuality: These people feel a sexual attraction to someone only after a strong relationship and bond are formed first
Sexual fluidity: An idea to describe people whose sexual attraction changes over time. People who are sexually fluid may not always experience the same levels of attraction to their preferred gender depending on the situation
Bicurious: This refers to a person who identifies as primarily heterosexual but shows interest in an experience with a person of the same sex.
androsexual/gynesexual: An androsexual person is attracted to masculine presenting people and a gynesexual is attracted to feminine presenting people.
sapiosexual: These people find intelligence sexually attractive and place a high value on that in a partner.
skoliosexual: These people find transgender or nonbinary people attractive. This is a fairly new term so the definition is a bit vaguer.
You don’t have to have it all figured out right now
With all of these orientations where so many seem to overlap it can be stressful to pick out the “right” one. The best news of all is that you do not need to have it figured out right away, and there is no right sexuality; they all are acceptable, and all are valid. I encourage clients to “try them on” for a week or two like you might try on a new type of clothing you’ve never worn before. When you wear a new item of clothing you tend to notice how it fits more than a tried-and-true item in your closet for months. As you try on this identity both privately and publicly you will likely get a sense of if the new identity fits you. Don’t get discouraged as this can be a process where the “fit” can change as you do. Surround yourself with people who are going to cheer you on and provide support as you find who you are.
If you would like to talk to a professional LGBT+ therapist or to get anxiety therapy, contact us online to schedule an appointment or call 713-565-0922 to ask questions about how we can help.
Guest blog post by Michelle Harrell