How to feel more secure in my body

*updated January 2024

Do you obsess over your body?

You probably have a love-hate relationship with your body, or maybe you just have a hate-hate relationship with it. It stinks that we live in a society that teaches us to value ourselves if we look a certain way and to reject ourselves if we don’t. When doing body image treatment and eating disorder treatment, we help people learn to learn to obsess less and feel more secure in their bodies.

The amount of time most people spend thinking about the problems with their bodies or comparing them to others would blow your mind.

I spoke with one client recently who shared that she hates her body and never really felt that it fit who she was. She said the only way she thought she would feel okay was if she was model thin, and was acknowledged by others as being skinny. She admitted to spending anywhere from 60-80 percent of her day thinking about her flaws. Before you judge her or ask why is she like that, I would encourage you to instead ask why the world produces so many of us, especially women and girls, who have such critical feelings about the bodies we inhabit.

If you don’t make peace with your body, you will never feel at peace

Chances are, you are also insecure about your body, even if you don’t outright hate it. It’s unfortunate really because you can’t part ways with your body. You have to learn to accept or even appreciate your body before you will ever feel at peace or happy in your skin. Is that possible? Yes! It’s not easy, but it is possible.

Tips to feel more secure in your body:

1. Exercise.

   People who use their bodies for physical exercise usually feel better about it. This does not need to mean a vigorous workout. Even just a light or mindful walk could do the trick. It is more about movement than it is about burning calories. The more you use your body, the more you appreciate what it can do for you and allow you to do for others.
   
   

2. Express gratitude.

   Your body is an absolute miracle and is beautiful in its complexity. Your body allows you to do things like go for a swim, walk to the store, hug your kids, climb to the top of a mountain, write a poem, kiss your partner, and cook a tasty meal. Your body bestows gifts upon you every day. Focus on what your body does and express gratitude for those things. I recommend keeping a list of three things you are grateful for about your body every day.
   
   

3. Keep a running list of the physical features you like about yourself

   You don’t have to like every part of your body to recognize that some parts of your body are pretty good. For example, I can say “I like the shape of my nose, even though I don’t love the sunspots on my face.” There are parts of my physical body that I like and parts I don’t. I don’t have to outright reject the whole thing because of that. Avoid that type of black-and-white thinking.

4. Redirect comparisons.

   Comparisons will steal your joy. There is always someone thinner, or larger. There is always someone who has thicker fuller hair and someone who has started balding. If you focus on those things, you will either feel you are not enough or may feel smug and critical of others. Both are unhelpful. Instead of focusing on how much prettier, fitter or thinner someone else is, focus on the goals you have for yourself. For example, “I would like to be physically active for at least 30 minutes every day.” Or, “I would like to work on building up my core strength in my body.” Give yourself some directions instead of criticizing which just makes you feel stuck.

5. Stay away from fashion magazines and social media.

   Media is a self-esteem killer. You know that those images in the media are usually edited and airbrushed to create a certain look that is not real. Even though we know this is true, your brain will still cause you to compare and you will always come out feeling less than others. This is not a small problem either.
   

   Studies show that media usage has led to increased dieting, people using disordered behaviors like purging to lose weight, and people feeling “fat” some or all of the time. Research also shows that girls who live in a house with a television are 3 times more likely to experience disordered eating behaviors. It is not very realistic to avoid media altogether, but try to limit your exposure. And I recommend you stay away altogether from social media accounts that focus on dieting, eating the least number of calories, overexercising, or portraying unrealistic images of people.

6. Use compassion

   Treat yourself and your body with kindness - the same kindness you treat those you love. Would you tell your best friend or your daughter that she looks like a beached whale in a swimsuit? If so, you may be a jerk. But seriously, you have a great capacity for kindness with others when it comes to their insecurities, use that same kindness on yourself. Life is hard enough without you heaping negativity and criticisms on yourself. Kindness is a much better motivator.

7. Pamper your body

   Take the time to do nice things for yourself including massages, warm baths, and even caressing your body as you put on moisturizer. It may sound hokey, but the truth is that the way you treat yourself physically sends a message that you are valuable and should be treated with love and care. This may also help you feel more in tune, mindful, and connected to your body. It is harder to hate our bodies when we are mindful.

8. Buy clothes that fit well and make you feel good

   If it has been a while since you have bought clothes, or if you have gained or lost weight, I recommend buying some new clothes. Pay attention to how the clothes fit and how you feel when wearing different clothes. Even if you hate how you look in clothes in general, certain outfits will be more flattering, and others that are not. Certain clothes feel authentic and cute, and others that just feel wrong on your body.

   It’s worth it to spend a little time and money on clothes that feel better for your body. I know a lot of people keep clothes they have outgrown hoping to lose weight or keep bigger sizes just in case they gain weight. I don’t recommend this. If you gain or lose weight in the future, just buy clothes that fit and are in style at the time. You deserve to feel attractive!

Your body is more awesome and more beautiful than you realize!

Don’t let your negative thoughts or anyone else tell you otherwise. We all get down about our bodies sometimes. If you find yourself ruminating about all of the things you don’t like, feel a sense of self-loathing for your body, or are struggling with an eating disorder, please get help.

We have Houston body image and eating disorder therapists who can help you work through this and feel better. You can contact us online to schedule an appointment or to ask any questions you have about how we can be of help to you.

OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX

In addition to Eating Disorder and Body Image therapy, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals, we offer Anxiety Treatment, School and College Counseling, Couples and Marriage therapy, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Trauma Therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Family Therapy, Parenting Counseling, Career Counseling, and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.

If you’re ready to get started, please contact Wilson Counseling today. Together we can get you to a better place and help you achieve a healthier lifestyle.

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