How to support someone through their eating disorder

*updated Jaunary 2024

If someone you love has an eating disorder, you may feel helpless. It’s painful to watch someone you know struggling. Know that you are not helpless and you are not alone. We have eating disorder treatment therapists in Houston who can support your loved one and who can help you learn to be supportive of them as well. In this post, we discuss things you can do to be supportive, and things you want to avoid doing that may trigger eating disorder behaviors. 

Start by educating yourself about eating disorders

There are a lot of things that are not intuitive about these disorders, so it helps to learn the facts and read research-based data rather than assuming anything. We have a lot of good resources on our website including book and website recommendations.

Ways to support someone with an eating disorder

1. Be aware that your loved one already feels out of control with their eating disorder and may need you to reach out.

2. Be direct and honest with your loved one. Avoiding talking about the disorder doesn’t help anyone. It simply reinforces the idea that the behaviors are shameful and should be kept a secret.

3. Ask directly how you can be of help to them with their eating disorder. Don’t assume you know what is helpful.

4. Use “I” statements. Talk about observed behaviors, not about your opinion. Such as “I noticed you have not been eating much at dinner” versus “You never eat enough.”

5. Talk privately about the disorder. An eating disorder often feels like a very private and even shameful thing to talk about. Don’t bring up the subject in a big group. Make time to have a one-on-one conversation.

6. Make mealtimes as regular and scheduled as possible. This helps make it less anxiety-provoking for your loved one. Eating in front of people is often very difficult for people with eating disorders. Some places in your home may be more conducive to mindful eating.

7. People with eating disorders often isolate themselves. Keep inviting them to events and encourage them to socialize and engage in hobbies.

8. Remind your loved ones that they can change and that recovery is possible if they get help.

9. Encourage them to get professional help. You are not meant to be a therapist or dietitian for your loved one. You are not trained, it’s an undue burden, and people with eating disorders need to get help from an eating disorder therapist.

Things to avoid with someone who has an eating disorder

1. Don’t talk about weight, looks, food, or diets. In your behavior, model healthy relationships with your body and eating.

2. Don’t tell your loved one to just eat more or stop purging. If they could stop the eating disorder behaviors without help, they would have already done it.

3. Don’t compliment your loved one for losing weight or even saying you look well. It may enforce restrictive behaviors or make them feel as if they have gained weight. It’s better to focus on compliments that are not related to their looks. 

4. Don’t enable eating disorder behaviors such as cleaning up after they purge or cooking different meals to accommodate their avoidance of certain fear foods. Your loved one may need to reintroduce fear foods slowly over time, however.

5. Don’t take it personally if your loved one lies to you about their eating disorder behaviors. This often stems from feeling ashamed and wanting to hide parts of themselves they don’t feel good about. It’s not about you.

6. Don’t shame your loved ones or frame them as weak when they struggle with their eating disorder. This will not encourage them to change; it will just make them feel stuck and damage their self-esteem

7. Don’t talk about the eating disorder when you are feeling angry. It may make the topic feel charged and cause your loved one to want to avoid talking to you about it.

It can be tough to know how to help someone when they struggle, but you don’t have to do it all by yourself. Encourage your loved one to get professional eating disorder treatment. You may also benefit from talking to a therapist, or from reading a book about eating disorders. Many of my clients have found it helpful to read the book “Surviving an Eating Disorder: Strategies for Families and Friends.”

We hope you find these resources helpful! If you are struggling with loneliness, conflict, or anxiety, speaking to a professional eating disorder counselor in Houston can help.

OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX

In addition to Eating Disorder Therapy, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals, we offer Anxiety Therapy, Child Therapy, Couples and Marriage Therapy, Family Therapy, School and College Counseling, Autism Therapy, Perinatal and Postpartum Treatment, and Infertility Counseling. As well as EMDR Therapy, Trauma Therapy and PTSD Treatment and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling, and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.

Contact us at Wilson Counseling to find out more about our services or to schedule an appointment. You can find out more about eating disorder treatment here. You don't have to go through this alone. We are in this together. 

Related Posts:

• Why are eating disorders dangerous and how can eating disorder treatment in Houston help?

• How do I know if I need eating disorder treatment?

• Romantic relationships and eating disorders

• Is there such a thing as too much healthy eating?

• Signs it’s time for couples counseling & how marriage therapy can help Houston couples

The advice in this blog is not a substitute for professional counseling.