We all know that feeling when you're trying to discuss something important with your partner, but it ends up feeling like a game of "Who Can Talk Louder?" Or maybe you are not yellers and it’s more the game of “Who can freeze up and be silent longer?” This post aims to help you navigate the treacherous waters of communication, all while keeping your sense of humor intact. Get ready to embark on a journey into the realms of open dialogue, active listening, and the art of expressing yourselves without throwing verbal darts. This is one time when hitting a bullseye is a bad thing.
Encourage Open Dialogue:
Houston couples, we have a conversation problem! To resolve conflicts, embrace open dialogue—the magical potion that turns yelling matches into civilized discussions. Imagine sitting down with your partner, holding hands, and saying, "Let's talk this out like adults." Open dialogue is like the oxygen that fuels the fire of understanding and resolution. Remember how you want your partner to feel after you talk (open, loved, understood). Use that as a guide for how you speak to one another. This is not a boxing match. If you focus on winning an argument you may lose your partner, or you will at least feel distanced and estranged.
Discuss the Significance of Active Listening and Empathy:
Active listening for couples
Ah, active listening—the art of hearing what your partner is saying while also mentally planning your next Netflix binge - not! It's time to put down your phone, turn off the TV, and give your partner the undivided attention they deserve. Show them that you're present and ready to dive into their world like a scuba diver exploring the Great Barrier Reef. Active listening also involves reflecting back what you are hearing your partner say. You would be surprised how often we mishear each other. That can lead to some serious misunderstandings and fights. If you are having trouble actively listening to each other, a Houston couples therapist and marriage counselor can teach you this important skill.
Empathy for couples
And let's not forget about empathy, the superpower that allows you to step into your partner's shoes and see the world from their perspective. It's like becoming an emotional chameleon, adapting to their feelings and experiences. So, put on your empathy cap and get ready to listen and understand. And who knows, maybe by truly listening, you'll unlock the secret to mind-reading and save yourselves time that would otherwise be spent in couple's therapy in Houston, Texas.
But trust me, a lot of people are not good at empathizing. It can be really tricky to understand your partner’s perspective, especially when you are fighting and when you disagree with them. However, without empathy, you will probably never have real intimacy and your partner will never feel understood. Although empathy is a skill that comes naturally to some, it is actually possible for you to get better at it with the help of a Houston couples therapist and marriage counselor.
You can learn empathy in marriage counseling and couples therapy in Houston, TX.
Emphasize the Importance of Using "I" Statements:
Houston, we have a language problem! When discussing sensitive topics, it's crucial to express your feelings without pointing fingers like an overzealous traffic cop. I can guarantee you that your partner will feel put on the defensive if you use “you statements” Eg: “You are always late and never think about how that affects me.” This is where the mighty "I" statements come in.
Instead of saying, "You always make me late!" try something like, "I feel frustrated when we're running late."
See the difference? It's like replacing a slap with a gentle pat on the shoulder.
Using "I" statements allows you to express your emotions without sounding like a professional blamer. It shifts the focus from attacking your partner to expressing your own experience. You are only the expert of your own life, thoughts, and emotions. It’s never safe to make “you” statements and assume you know why someone else has done or said what they did. So, grab your "I" statement cape and fly into the realm of effective communication where blame goes to retire.
Encourage a Non-Judgmental Attitude and Genuine Curiosity:
Ah, the joy of non-judgmental attitudes! It's like wearing an invisibility cloak that hides your judgmental thoughts and opinions. Embrace the idea that everyone's experiences and perspectives are valid, even if they think that pineapples belong on pizza (controversial, we know). Seriously, no one wants to deal with a judgemental partner. It will either shut you down or make you angry. You are sure to lose in either scenario.
Cultivate genuine curiosity like a cat investigating a mysterious box. Being curious will keep you in a non-judgemental place. Ask questions, explore, and strive to understand your partner's point of view. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but in this case, it's what saves the relationship from turning into a soap opera. You can show your curiosity by saying things like “tell me more about that,” or “help me understand that,” or “I wanna hear about that.” If you assume the best about your partner and their actions, it’s easier to be curious and non-judgmental.
Start with the idea that your partner is good and loves you and then ask yourself what is a good reason my partner may have said or did what they did.
Open and honest communication is the key to unlocking the gates of understanding and resolution. Encourage open dialogue, active listening, "I" statements, and a non-judgmental attitude. Together, you can navigate the choppy waters of communication while keeping your relationship's comedic essence alive. So, grab your partner's hand, take a deep breath, and let the healing begin.
If you are having trouble resolving conflict, our Houston, TX couples therapists and marriage counselors can help. Call us today at 713-565-0922.
related posts:
How to make up after a fight (Part 3) - A good apology is everything
How to make up after a fight (Part 4) - coming soon
How to make up after a fight (Part 5) - coming soon