How to Make It Work If You Stay Together for the Kids - Tips from a Houston Marriage Therapist
It’s a situation more common than people like to admit: You’re in a marriage that isn’t working the way it once did. The love might feel different—or even absent. Maybe there’s conflict, disconnection, or resentment. But despite all that, you’ve decided to stay together for the kids.
Is that the right decision? Maybe. Maybe not. But if you are staying, a Houston marriage therapist wants you to know this: It can work—but only if you’re intentional.
Staying together for the kids is not about pretending everything is fine. It’s about creating stability while learning how to co-parent respectfully under the same roof. It’s possible to protect your children’s emotional well-being, even if your romantic relationship is no longer what it used to be.
So how do you make that work in real life? Let’s talk about it.
1. Be Honest with Yourself—and Each Other
Before anything else, you and your partner need to get clear: Are you truly staying together for the kids? Or is fear driving your decision? Many couples struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, or the pressure to maintain a certain image. That emotional fog can make communication even harder.
Start with an honest conversation—maybe even with a couples counselor present. Discuss boundaries, expectations, and whether this arrangement is temporary or long-term.
Ask yourselves:
Are we committed to making this a stable, respectful household?
What are the non-negotiables for both of us?
How will we handle things like conflict, intimacy, and privacy?
Getting on the same page (even if it’s not a romantic page) sets the foundation for coexisting peacefully. If you can’t get on the same page on your own, a Wilson Counseling couple’s therapist can help you.
2. Prioritize Respect Over Romance
You don’t have to be madly in love to build a functioning home life. But you do need mutual respect. Kids are highly sensitive to tension—they’ll pick up on sarcasm, contempt, or passive-aggressive comments, even if they don’t understand them.
As a marriage therapist, I often tell couples, “Your kids don’t need perfect parents. They need peaceful ones.”
That means:
Avoiding fights in front of the kids
Speaking to each other with basic courtesy
Taking time to cool down before responding when emotions run high
When respect is the baseline, you create a calm, safe environment for your children—something they’ll remember more than whether you were romantic or not.
3. Clarify Your Roles
If your marriage has shifted from romantic partnership to co-parenting roommates, then roles need to be clearly defined. What used to be unspoken expectations now need to be spelled out.
✅ Who handles what—meals, school pick-ups, bedtime routines?
✅ What kind of emotional support can you expect (or not expect) from each other?
✅ How will you handle personal privacy, dating others (if that’s allowed), or sleeping arrangements?
Avoiding these conversations only leads to confusion and resentment. Clarity creates a new structure—one that helps everyone function more smoothly.
4. Create a Parenting Team Mentality
Even if the romantic part of your relationship is fading, your parenting partnership can still be strong. And that’s what your kids need most.
Be proactive about parenting together:
Hold weekly check-ins to talk about the kids’ schedules, needs, and any concerns
Present a united front on major decisions (discipline, screen time, bedtime, etc.)
Encourage each other’s strengths as parents
Your child doesn’t need to see you holding hands. But they do need to see that you work together when it matters most.
5. Don’t Use the Kids as Emotional Substitutes
One of the biggest risks of staying together for the kids is that parents sometimes start to rely too much on the kids emotionally, especially if emotional support from their partner is absent.
Your child is not your therapist. They shouldn’t be the person you vent to about your spouse, nor should they be responsible for making you feel loved or needed.
If you’re feeling isolated, lonely, or emotionally exhausted, please reach out to a therapist or trusted adult—not your child.
Protecting your kids’ emotional space means letting them be kids—free to enjoy their childhood without carrying the weight of adult problems.
6. Keep Working on Yourselves (Individually or Together)
Staying in a complicated marriage can bring up old wounds, new resentments, and a lot of stress. Ignoring that won’t make it go away.
Individual therapy can help you:
Build coping skills
Understand your triggers
Learn better communication techniques
Explore what you really want from your life and relationship
Couples therapy—yes, even if you're not trying to “save the marriage”—can help you learn to communicate better, reduce conflict, and strengthen your co-parenting relationship.
In fact, many Houston couples who stay together for the kids do go to marriage counseling—not to rekindle romance, but to build peace and partnership.
7. Reevaluate Periodically
What works now might not work forever. And that’s okay.
Make time every few months to talk honestly with your partner:
Are you both still okay with the current arrangement?
Are the kids thriving?
Has the dynamic improved… or gotten worse?
Do either of you need something different now?
The decision to stay together for the kids doesn’t have to be permanent. It’s something you can revisit over time, adjusting as life changes.
8. Make Space for Joy—Even If It’s Small
Finally, remember this: your home doesn’t have to feel cold or sad just because your marriage has changed. You can still create a joyful, stable environment for your children—and yourself.
Make time for:
Family rituals like movie nights or pancake Sundays
Light-hearted conversations at the dinner table
Celebrating milestones and holidays together
Small moments of connection can help your children feel secure—and help you both remember what you can still do together.
When It’s Time to Get Support
You don’t have to do this alone.
At Wilson Counseling in Houston, our marriage therapists are here to support couples in all types of situations—including those who are staying together for the kids. We understand how complicated that decision can be. Whether you need help reducing conflict, improving communication, or just figuring out how to co-parent respectfully, we’re here for you.
You don’t have to pretend everything is fine. We’ll meet you where you are—with honesty, compassion, and practical tools to help you move forward.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to Couples Counseling & Marriage Counseling, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals, we offer Anxiety Treatment, Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Trauma Therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer LPC Supervision, Family Therapy, Parenting Counseling, and Career Counseling. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
Interested in working with a Houston marriage therapist?
Contact us today to schedule a consultation. We offer both in-person and online counseling sessions, so support is always within reach.